it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
