so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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