So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
