Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
