Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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