I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
