my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
