The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
