How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
