Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
