i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
