i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
she woke up with a sticky ear
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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