I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
