My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
