So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
