I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
