so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
