If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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