There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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