New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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