I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
