Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
She told me I should be a condom model.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
