I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Randomize
