$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
