They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
sarcasm needs its own font
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
