Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
