Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
