There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize