I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
