The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
The power of my boobs compel you
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
