never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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