Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Randomize
