I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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