we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
