Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
