Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize