Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
