Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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