Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
There are leaves in my underwear?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
