She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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