I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
