So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
There's always time for handjobs
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
