just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I want her autograph on my taint
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
