just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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