I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
there is puke in my bra ... again
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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