Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
