im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
