Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
