I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
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