I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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