Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
