My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
