Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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