naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
