Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
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