The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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