im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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