hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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