I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
