i'm signing you up for texting rehab
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
