hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
