Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
