She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
