We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
