Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize