I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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