You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
