I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
