The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
My cat gives me a boner
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
