so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
