How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
