I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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