I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
how does that bad decision feel?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
