I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
