Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
