there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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