Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Still dying that you shit outside
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
this is an emotional support booty call
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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