were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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