i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
