You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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