You smell like stripper and shame
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize