When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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