There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
