I CAN MOONWALK!
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Randomize