I can't watch pbs sober anymore
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
