Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Please, let me fuck your mom
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
