You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
