Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
