butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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