haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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