I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You are a booty call, not a friend.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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