I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
