New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Randomize
