I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
