Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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