i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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