My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
