When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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