Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
