2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
