I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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