Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Randomize