I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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