He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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